essay revise 2

Hello, the Portfolio version requirement is the same as last one. This one only require 1500 words. However this one need more works because the original essay you wrote was a bit off topic. Consider the time given, I am cool with it and didn’t leave feedback. Portfolio version would require more works and I would attach the essay, teacher’s feedback, and original prompt below.

Feedback: The formatting of your essay adhered to MLA Style standards, so keep up the good work on that front! Unfortunately, your essay did not really address the prompt. The prompt called on you to discuss three characteristics that are either positive or negative attributes for a type of person. For example, you could have discussed what three personality traits make up a good co-worker. Or you could have talked about what three traits make for a terrible friend. Your use of figurative language in your writing was great, but try including more examples for these traits than just one person.

Prompt:

Assignment: Using your family, friends, and observations of others around you, in books, in film, on television and such, write an essay categorizing the negative or positive characteristics of people. Your thesis must be narrowed to a specific topic and contain a debatable thesis (an opinion) that links the three types of people. For example, A, B, and C are the most maddening types of people (the clingy, the gossipy, and the judgmental for ex.); A, B, and C are the most valuable types of people to befriend; A, B, and C make the best coworkers; A, B, and C are the most productive types of people; A, B, and C are the most irritating people to be around; People who are A, B, and/or C make for terrible romantic partners, etc. Obviously you are replacing “A, B, and C” with characteristics. Click on Types of People in Week 3’s modules for ideas of narrowing your topic. Think of adjectives that would describe the people around you. I expect all grammar, syntax, and punctuation to be flawless before I see it, so seek tutoring in the LRC (first floor of library) at the Writing Center (EngW020) or at the Tutoring Center.

Essay Requirements (See Weeks 1-3 and Ch. 2-8 for more specific guidance)

  1. Pre-write to generate ideas (Consider visiting your journal writings for ideas)
  2. The last page of your essay should be a brief, formal outline of your essay (paragraph by paragraph) (see p. 62-64 for guidance)
  3. Use MLA format (see p. 742) (double-spaced, 12pt. font, Times New Roman or Courier New, etc.)
  4. Use two or more hooks in your introduction: Anecdote, Quotation, Profound Question or Statement, the Opposition, Statistic or Fact, Description, Definition, Comparison (simile/met.), or Brief, Engaging Background Information. Be sure to transition into the next sentence after each hook.
  5. Please state your debatable thesis (must satisfy prompt) at the end of paragraph one for this essay.
  6. Before, after, or connected to your thesis, state the preview of points/reasons (what your different supporting paragraphs will be about). Use parallel structure for this list. Challenge yourself and try to include these within your thesis sentence. If you remember, use bold font for your thesis statement and underline your preview (reasons in support of your thesis)
  7. Note that each supporting paragraph has a topic sentence that not only introduces the paragraph topic but also reflects the idea set forth in your thesis statement. This should insure paragraph unity.
  8. After the topic sentence, a paragraph will include support for the statement made in the TS. Make sure there are transitions between your examples and between supporting paragraphs to ensure coherence
  9. Required Support (evidence in supporting paragraphs)

  • For this version of Essay #2, bring in Personal, Observational (such as current events), and/or Hypothetical Examples. Examples need to be descriptive: include concrete detail, senses, dialog, similes/metaphors, lively adj., adv., and verbs.
  • Be sure to analyze the examples you provide to explain how each example proves the topic sentence of each paragraph. See chapters 6-8 for guidance.
  • No Research for this version of Essay #2
  • Analyze All Examples: After each example, perform an analysis: Probe the example in order to explain how it proves the topic sentence. Ask yourself how and why the evidence relates to your topic sentence (and thus your thesis since your thesis is alluded to in your topic sentences). In other words, in order to explain how your example proves your topic sentence, you will need to analyze your examples such as particular words, images, references, and so forth.
  • Incorporate a variety of Modes of Development such as narration, description, exemplification, comparison/Contrast, Process Analysis, Division/Analysis, Classification, Cause/Effect, Definition, Argument/Persuasion
  • Concluding Sentence: The concluding sentence will summarize the argument being made. It may re-affirm why the argument is correct and the consequences that may occur if the argument is not heeded. If your paragraph is short and easy-to-follow, you may omit a concluding sentence. You can also use this sentence to link to the topic in the next paragraph (or you can instead tack on such transitional phrases to the beginning of the next paragraph’s topic sentence).

10. Concluding Paragraph:

The end of an essay should therefore convey a sense of completeness and closure as well as a sense of the lingering possibilities of the topic, its larger meaning, its implications: the final paragraph should close the discussion without closing it off. You could give a recommendation, call to action, or prediction. Refer to the conclusion handout for help.

10. Grammar/Sentence Skills Requirements

: One of our Student Outcomes for the class is for you to be able to edit your own work. Proofread for flawless academic English, varying sentence structures, figurative language, etc. Use formal language (not to be interpreted as fluffy, flowery, or verbose) instead of the vernacular or slang.

 

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